Amicus.

It has been brought to my attention that I apparently have “no plan”. This information comes from someone who was once very close to me. I still consider this person a friend, but it seems as though whenever we get into any sort of serious conversation about our chosen field of the arts their side just turns into: “you know I think you’re the most talented person I’ve ever met but I’m still better than you”. Obviously not verbatim but that tends to be the typical sentiment. I do love this person dearly and think of them as one of my soul mates, but honestly, it just gets tiring to hear the same implication in their words after all these years.

To be perfectly honest I do have a plan. I just haven’t figured out all of the details yet. I know what I want to accomplish and in what order and at the moment that’s all that matters to me. I’m not going to plan out every minute action that I will take over the next 12 months because, a) that would take forever just to plan, and, b) circumstances change from day to day. This does not, however, mean that I am simply going to try and achieve my goals without planning anything in advance. It simply means that, for now, I am going to take each day as it comes. I will complete each task in the order they need to be completed. And, when the time comes, I will start planning for the next few stages. Stage 1 is the main priority. Without it being finalized, or at least close to, there aren’t any other stages.

Let’s look at it this way: You’ve decided to bake your own bread. With this bread you would like to achieve the ultimate goal of making a perfect sandwich. You have all of the ingredients, tools and necessary accoutrements to complete this task, but you still have to bake the bread first. So why would you spend the whole time that you should be concentrating on baking thinking about how you’re going to prepare all of the other ingredients for the sandwich? Currently you have no bread, and if you don’t pay attention to what you’re doing while making the bread and do it properly you may never have any bread. And how are you going to make a sandwich without bread?*

My point exactly.

*I don’t want to hear about how you can make a sandwich without using bread. I do realize that there are people out there who are diabetic or have gluten allergies or have some other reason to not eat bread who would probably make a wrap using a large leaf of lettuce or something of that sort but let’s be honest, the moment you get rid of the bread it ceases to be called a “sandwich”. Look it up.

Somnium.

There was a girl with a smile that could brighten anyone’s day. We sat in a coffeehouse, talking. It was a pleasant conversation. It reminded me of the old days. I first noticed the song playing over the sound system not because it was a punk rock song, which seemed a little out of place during normal business hours, but because it was a song from a band I was once in. But it didn’t strike me as odd that it was playing even though we had never made a decent recording of it. What was so strange was that it wasn’t us. It sounded like a completely different band had recorded it. It was somewhat slower and sounded so professionally polished and produced. I liked it. I looked it up on iTunes to see who it was and found that there were a few different versions by different bands on there. The song I had thought was an original of ours was actually written a few years before we were even a band. I had never realized we were playing a cover.

And then it happened.

There was a deafening sound that echoed through the coffeehouse. It was a sharp, scratching, cracking noise that didn’t belong. We caught a brief glimpse of each other’s faces, a look of terror burned into place where just moments ago there had been smiles and happiness. The entire scene went black and then bright and unfocused. - I opened my eyes just in time to see the shelf above me tipping down in my direction, showering me with its contents of vintage toy trucks. I jumped to the side as fast as I could to avoid the falling debris.

It was then that I realized I was no longer sleeping. The dream had ended the instant I figured out that the cracking sound should not have been there. The moment everything went dark and then light and I focused on the toys falling at me. That was the moment that I knew I was awake.

Thirty seconds later my alarm went off, not knowing that I no longer required its assistance to end my sleep cycle…

What a hell of a way to start your day, huh?

Primoris.

I failed before I even had a chance to begin. Well actually I simply forgot to write last night. And I didn’t really forget so much as I remembered way too late and was already starting to fall asleep. So I’m just going to kick this project off tonight, a day later than planned. Which means instead of finishing on Sunday evening I’ll extend my deadline to Monday. Now that that’s out of the way I can get into something more interesting than my short-term memory.

I’ve almost finished preproduction for my new demos. The drum tones sound pretty good so far, so I’ll begin recording drum tracks tomorrow (or later today, rather). Everything is shaping up nicely though, I must say. I was worried about what little material I would have to work on but I managed to pull together more ideas than I’d hoped. For now, it looks like I may have anywhere from 8 to 12 songs in the works.* You have no idea how much this excites me. Again, I worry about the lyrics, as many of the songs have none at the moment. But that’s why I started this project: to get the creative writer side of me working again. Hopefully this journalistic writing will help.

Tonight I’m working on a little bit more preproduction. Getting the recording sessions prepped and ready to go; recording a simple, “scratch track” guitar for each song as a guide to play the drums to; getting all of the click tracks adjusted to the proper tempos, et al. I’m sure it sounds very boring to anyone other than myself. But to me this is fun. For one thing it means I’m doing something productive with my time instead of watching teevee or something. But also it means I’m taking steps towards achieving my goals. And that, to me, seems like the most important thing anyone can ever do. So instead of sitting here typing I think I’ll get back to work.

*Honestly I have way more songs that I could work on. It’s just that some of the other stuff doesn’t blend quite as well with the vibe of the songs I am working on and others are ideas that need more time and concentration to make them into better songs. But don’t worry, there are plenty more songs I will be working on throughout the year.

Exertus.

I’ve wanted to write for a while now. It’s been far too long. I seem to always get into this mode where I think that I can only post something if I have something to say. And then when I do have something to say it’s been so long since I’ve posted that I completely forget that I have somewhere to say the things I want to say. But it’s not always about having something to rant on or having to speak your mind. Sometimes it’s simply about writing. Having an outlet for creativity. And whenever I actually write in something like this it always seems to help me regain some creativity. And I need that right about now.

I’ve been working on some new music lately. But the one part that always slows down my writing process is the lyrics. And I’ve found that simply writing about anything and everything helps to get all the nonsense out of my head so that I can hear the words and phrases that could be lyrics for a song. Sort of like a Spring Cleaning for the mind. Getting rid of all the crap that has accumulated in my brain so that I can be eloquent with my writing instead of just using clichés. So I’ve decided on a project. This undertaking will involve a minimum of 250 words per day, for seven straight days, beginning this Monday. I will post every evening for a solid week about whatever comes to mind. Hopefully this will help clear enough space for me to be more productive again. I’m sure it won’t be very interesting, but who knows? Maybe I’ll write about mundane things, maybe I’ll write a fictional short story. Whatever happens I am convinced that it can only help.

Transitus

I'm sitting here on my porch enjoying the late-Summer rain. It has come unexpectedly but I don't mind it. I'm actually enjoying it. I was longing for a small rain shower on a semi-warm evening. I thought we might get a thunderstorm a couple weeks ago but it never came. And tho this wasn't much (it seems to have already stopped) it was enough to be enjoyable. Enough to cover the ground in a light layer of water. Enough to bring the smell of damp pavement into the air. Enough to bring a flash or two of lightning off in the distance.

I'm looking forward to Autumn, as per usual. I like wearing sweaters and scarves and feeling that light chill on your face at night; the smell of dead leaves and woodsmoke filling the air; the occasional rain storm passing through. But I always get a little sad when Summer begins drawing to a close. I've written before about the pleasant, little between-season transitions in the weather and how nice they can be. I suppose tonight is the beginning of one of those. The days have already started getting noticeably shorter. The nights have gotten increasingly longer and chillier. The fragrances of Summer have begun to fade from the air. But the warmth is still there during the day. The Indian Summer is settling in.

This Fall I need to make some sort of change. Even if it's small. Anything, within reason, will be good. As long as something about my everyday life is at least slightly different by Winter I will be happy. I'm obviously hoping for certain things to come about but I will gladly accept a number of other possibilities if the options present themselves to me. I realize I'm being somewhat cryptic with my last few sentences but that's alright. I have the right to be as vague as I want to be. After all, I am the one writing this and I get to choose what I put out there for the world to read. And with that I will, for now, bid you adieu.

Addendum.

Sept. 13, 2009 - 1:57 am

Not long after I posted this the rain returned bringing with it plenty of thunder and deep-cloud lightning. The rain even made some nearby power lines arc and spark all over the place. It was actually pretty neat. I ended up sitting out on my porch all night enjoying it. The best of the lightning began about an hour before sunrise when bolts finally became visible instead of staying hidden deep inside the clouds. I just sat and watched until dawn, counting whenever I saw a flash until I would hear the thunder. I even got far too technical with it and looked up an online lightning distance calculator just to figure out how far away it all was. I tried to take a few pictures but only managed to catch a lightning bolt in one of them. Not my best night for lightning photos by far. But it was nice, and I'm glad i decided to stay up to witness it.

Audacia.

Bravery can be explained in many ways. It can be the “no fear” attitude that drives firemen into a burning building to rescue a trapped child; the sense of preparedness an explorer might bring with them when venturing out into the wild; the strength to stand up to someone who has treated you wrong; the mental ability to face your fears without hesitance. Everyone regards bravery as one of the best traits a person can have. How many times have you heard the phrase “you’re so brave” uttered in movies or seen it written in books? There is only one problem with bravery: knowing how to tap into it when it isn’t one of you own, personal, default characteristics.

To some, bravery comes naturally. For others it isn’t always that easy to muster up. Take me, for example. If I had tapped into my brave side years ago, a lot more people out there may have heard my music by now. I would probably have a band, and maybe even a contract with a local independent record label. I’d be playing shows on a regular basis, and I would most likely be having more fun more often. But my problem is fear. I can’t quite figure out, however, what exactly I’m afraid of. Is it a fear of failure; that my music, which I’ve put all of my heart and soul into, won’t be enjoyed by anyone other than me, my family and my close friends? Or maybe I fear success. That I’m afraid of how overwhelming it would be to have my dreams come true. My belief is that it involves a little bit of both of those fears. Now, the real trick is to figure out how to rectify my predicament…

I’m learning. On one side, the more I let people listen to my demos, the more I have begun to really believe in myself as a songwriter. I typically haven’t gotten many “you suck” or “it’s just alright” kinds of comments after people have listened to some of my songs. And on the other side, putting myself out there for more people to hear is slightly opening myself up for success. At least, the more accessible my music is, the greater the chance of someone hearing it will be. And I do have plans for more ways to promote my music that I will hopefully get in motion soon.

It’s been a long journey for me since I began writing my own songs. But I’ve realized that I still have a long way to go. As I’ve said before, “the time is now”. So, since I currently can’t do much, other than writing and preparing songs to be recorded in real demo form, I will direct you to two locations where you can listen to some of my music, if you wish. The first is:
http://twt.fm/77828
The second is a very small collection of some solo, acoustic songs. You can listen to them at:
http://www.myspace.com/rockwellhitec

Please, if you listen, leave comments or send me an email and tell me your thoughts. The only thing I ask is that you be completely honest. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, so I want to hear yours. Later this week I’ll upload some pre-production, non-vocal demos that I’ve been working on. Or at least maybe some clips of said demos. I’ll post links as soon as they’re up. As for now, I’ll leave you with this:

Bravery is not unattainable. It belongs to everyone. It is in us all, infused, deep within our souls. For some, like me, we need to not bury this gift, but to let it give us the strength to reach for our goals and dreams. Life shouldn’t be feared, or even simply accepted. It should be lived and enjoyed. So the next time you’re afraid to do something you’ve always wanted to do, take charge of it. Scream in its face, tell it you aren’t going to let it frighten you anymore, and then do it. It may be scary at first, but once you accomplish your goal you’ll feel amazing, and you’ll wonder why it took you so long to do it. At least, I know that’s what I’ll be wondering when I finally get out there.

Soon.

I will now try to work on some music, even though I have a headache, simply to feel more productive. Even if I only mess around on my guitar for a little while, at least that’s something. So, with one final line to wish you good fortune in your own endeavors:
“Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.”

Initium.

It's such a beautiful night out, I decided I had to write something. The trouble is, whenever you decide to write something with no particular topic in mind, your thoughts go blank the instant you begin writing. So here I am, *4:30 a.m. on a Tuesday, and the only thing that i can think of now is old Counting Crows lyrics.

I lied. I didn't simply decide to write because of the amazing, warm evening with it's night-bloom, perfumed air. I came to this decision because it's been way too long since I've written just for the sake of writing. Some may say that writing "just for the sake of writing" isn't necessarily a good way to approach writing. Or maybe they wouldn't. I don't know. I'm not them. I do know me. And for me, writing for the sake of writing helps me stay creative. I mean, it's not easy to just pull a thousand words out of thin air, so there must be some amount of creativity going into this right now. Which means, I'm not just writing for the sake of writing. I'm writing to get the creativity flowing again. Because what good is creativity if you're not doing anything creative with it? Make sense? If not, please direct all complaints to Guest Services.

Now, as for that beautiful night outside, it's definitely just what I needed. I had been getting so bored with the weather as of late. Almost every day for the last few weeks has been chilly and windy and cold at night. Not the kind of weather that really inspires you to do much of anything. I'm guessing this is one reason why the creativity has been lacking lately. But, now that there's a little bit of warmth hanging around the Bay Area, I feel much better. It's so nice to be able to step outside in the evening without having to put multiple layers on. And it's even nicer to be able to feel the sunlight on my skin in the afternoon. It's been so long since I could be out in the daylight hours without needing a jacket that I had almost forgotten that feeling. It feels like happiness.

And why shouldn't it? I'm quite happy that the Spring has truly arrived, at last. It's finally beginning to feel as if it's almost May. I'm happy with the musical projects I've taken part in lately as well. Helping out old friends and former bandmates with their new musical endeavors is always fun to me. And it does feel good to be playing with a band again. It all just makes me so anxious to get all of my songs done and ready so I can start my own project. It's been put off for too long. And everything I've done lately with music has made me realize this so much more. I need to write. I need to play. I need to finally do what I've only ever wanted to do.

The time is now.

But the time isn't right now. It is, however, soon. Right now, I need to get to sleep. It's too late to start worrying about music tonight. If I get wrapped up in that I'll be up until eight in the morning. And that just won't do. So, for now, I'll relax with a little mellow teevee, and get sleepy. Tomorrow, on the other hand... Well I'll just see what tomorrow holds for me when I wake up...

*If you can tell me what song lyrics I was thinking of, you win a prize**.

**The winner of the prize will be contacted via email once a correct answer has been given. Entrants must have a valid email address or prize will be forfeited to the provider of the second correct answer. Prize consists of nothing. Actual value of prize is $0 (zero dollars U.S.). If unsatisfied with prize, we don't care. Offer valid to U.S. residents, only, who are over the age of 21 at the time of entry. Offer void in Utah.